Losing my body
by Maredith
Summary: After a docters visit Sawamura's life changes. He has cancer. How will he be able to handle this? And can his teammates help him? And what happens when another girl in the hospital convinced him to make a bucket list? Rated T just to be sure.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Breathless

 **Before you guys start with reading this story, I want to say that I don't really know much about cancer. So all the information and stuff I had to get from Internet. So if I make mistakes it is all my fault and feel free to correct them.**

 **I also wanna say that I hope I don't offend or hurt anyone with this fic. I really respect all the people who know someone with cancer or maybe have cancer them self. So if I hurt you in any kind of way, I am so sorry.**

 **And as last thing. I was really having a hard time with getting some of the characters good. So I am sorry if one of the characters does't act like he/she is in the show/manga.**

 **AND THIS HAPPENS AFTER SEASON 1, JUST SO YOU KNOW. THERE MIGHT BE SLIGHT SPOILERS!**

Sawamura's opened his eyes. It was dark, was it still night? He heard Kuramochi snoring above him. How the hell was he going to sleep with that noise above him.

'Kuramochi-senpai, stop snoring"! He yelled while kicking the mattress above him. Kuramochi immediately woke up.

'Baka, let me sleep! If it would't be in the middle of the night I would kick your ass. Why are you awake anyway'? He said annoyed.

'How do you expect me to sleep when you make so much noise'!

'I'm going to kill that asshole in the morning', Kuramochi said to himself while he pulled his blanket over him to fall asleep again.

Sawamura did't say a word after this. And after laying in bed for fifteen minutes he decided he could as well go training. He noticed when he got up that he had sweated incredible much. He pulled out his dirty sleep clothes and threw them in the laundry basket what was standing in the corner of the room.

The running on the field was really easy at first, just like normal. But after 20 minutes Eijun was already out of breath. He paused and waited until he had the energy to go running again, until a black haired pitcher ran past him.

'FURUYAAAAAAAA, HOW DARE YOU TO PASS ME'! He yelled while he ran after Furuya. Sawamura might not feel the best today, but that did't mean he was going to let that stupid ass ace win from him.

A worn out Sawamura was eating his breakfast after running behind Furuya for almost two hours. At his right side sat Haruhichi and left from him was Furuya eating his breakfast.

Why was he so tired? And why did his head hurt so much? This way he would't be able to pitch at his best. The last time Sawamura was kind of sick (the yips) Furuya snapped the ace title away from him. No he could't slack of.

'Sawamura, are you alright? You look a little sick'? Asked his pink friend. Sawamura immediately popped up. If the coach (or even worse, Miyuki!) would find out he was't feeling so well, he would maybe not let him practice.

'WHUAHAHAH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM FEELING GREAT, BETTER THAN NORMAL. WHUAHAHA FURUYA YOU BETTER WHATCH OUT. I MIGHT GET THAT ACE TITLE AFTER TODAY HAHAA!

Kuramochi looked annoyed at the first year (just like almost everyone else). First that kid woke him up in the middle of the night and than he was yelling like a idiot. Could't he catch a break?

'Shut up for once idiot', Kuramochi said while holding him in some kind of headlock on the ground.

'I am sorry Kuramochi-senpai! Let me gooo. It hurtss! Sawamura cried out. The irritated second year only let go after a minute of torture. He loved it way to much to kick Sawamura's ass.

Sawamura stood up when suddenly he got hit with dizziness. He wanted to grab a chair to hold him up, but before he knew it he was sitting on the ground. Kuramochi who was still standing next to him looked surprised.

'Hey, what are you doing, are you okay'? He asked, slightly worried.

Sawamura did't answer him. He tried to breath, but it was hard. He felt all the eyes looking at him. Normally he loved to get attention, but right now he wanted that everyone would just leave him alone. Breath, Sawamura, just breath. He closed his eyes to just shut out what was happening around him. To shut out all the people, the noise. It hurted him. His head felt like it could explode. When he opened his eyes again he saw that Miyuki was sitting next to him on the ground.

'Sawamura, stay calm. Are you okay'?

 **I know this was't really a long chapter. Sorry for that :) I hope you enjoyed it and you would totally make my day if you would review/follow/favorite my story! Also I have dyslexia and I know I make a lot of crappy mistakes. I hope you can forgive me!**

 **BYEEEEEEE UNTILL NEXT TIME**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

'Sawamura, stay calm, are you okay?'. The captain wanted to give the glass to Sawamura, but when he saw how shaky the pitchers hands where he decided to just hold the glass himself while Sawamura was drinking from it. After a few sips he stopped drinking and tried to stand up. Miyuki first put the glass down and together with Haruhichi he helped the pitcher to get on a chair.

'I am sorry, I think I am fine now', Sawamura said with a unusual mild voice.

'Maybe it is better if you skip practice for today, or at least take it easy', said Miyuki. He did't like it how pale Sawamura looked. Maybe he was just tired? Maybe Miyuki had worn him out to much? But that guy just freaking fainted. That could't be just because of tiredness?

'Seriously I am fine, I was just a little dizzy. It was all Kuramochi-senpai's fault. He should't have tortured me like that', the brown haired idiot said while pointing to Kuramochi, who looked annoyed away. Secretly he felt a little guilty, but how could he know that the first year pitcher would faint. This was't the first time he had wrestled with this guy.

'I don't care. As a baseball player you need to take good care off your body. And we don't want that you faint again'.

'But...'

'No buts, I will tell the coach that you will miss training today and I want you to finish your breakfast and than go back to bed'. Sawamura looked sulky down. One day of practice. He was't good enough to miss that much. Miyuki sighed when seeing how disappointed the first year looked.

'Hey idiot, you know that we have a practice match with Inashiro next week. We need all our pitchers for that match, healthy and well. So it really is better if you skip practice today, so you won't get something really serious'. At first Sawamura was't sure to agree with his captain. But the last mach against Inashiro was still a wound and just like the others he wanted to win this match, even though it was only a practice match.

'Hey Bakamura, say something, does your stupid brain gets it or not'?

'I get it', the brown haired pitcher said and than stood up.

'Where are you going? Food is also a import thing for staying healthy'? Miyuki said. Sawamura did't know why, but he got really annoyed of Miyuki saying that. He did't need to be so bossy all the freaking time.

'I am not hungry anymore', he said and walked out of the room. Miyuki and Kuramochi looked at the same time at each other, both thinking the same thing.

What the hell was going on with him'?

'Hey Sawamura, are you already a sleep'? Whispered Kuramochi when he walked in the room in the evening. The brown pitcher had not come out of his room after this morning and Kuramochi had it way to busy to check on him. But he did know from Haruhichi that when he brought Sawamura food he refused to eat it.

Sawamura was sleeping, which was a good thing. If he had a good night rest, he might would feel better tomorrow. Kuramochi would't admit it out loud, but he actually miss the loud and noisy pitcher at training. Sawamura made the team lively and energetic.

Kuramochi gasped when he saw Sawamura's shoulder. There was a huge bruise, right at the spot where Kuramochi had grabbed him while putting him in a headlock this morning. But that could't be his fauld because Kuramochi had't used enough strength to create such a big bruise.

But when Kuramochi looked at his kohai closer he saw that Sawamura was covered in bruises. How the hell did that idiot get so much of them?

He sighed and decided to leave it for now and to go to bed. He was to tired now to worry about Bakamura.

Sawamura took a deep breath. He looked right in the eyes of Miyuki and could't help but smile. He had mist the feeling of standing on the mound, with his team behind him and the catcher in front of him. The feeling of the ball in his hands.

Haruhichi was ready to hit his pitch. They had a practice match as preparation for the match against Inashiro.

Sawamura felt a little bit better. He had been sick for three days, which was way to much for his liking. But every time he tried to get out of bed he had to vomit. The day before yesterday he finally managed to eat a meal and yesterday with a lot of wining Miyuki-senpai allowed him to train again.

And today he felt like he could do anything.

Sawamura's hand moved backwards, his feet stepped forward and with all his power he threw the ball. Strike.

He only had to trow two more strikes and than they had to switch. Until now he had mostly thrown strikes so he knew he could do it again. He had to, he wanted to show that he was worth it. So the coach would let him play next week.

He took another deep breath and threw another strike.

'Good job Sawamura, you only need to trow another one', Kanemaru yelled at him.

Again a little smile appeared at the pitchers mouth. He wanted to trow the ball when dizziness hit him without a warning. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and tried to calm down, but the dizziness did't go away. Shit if he would faint here, they would think he was weak. No he just had to ignore it.

Like usually Sawamura moved his arm backwards and threw the ball. But he knew the ball would go wrong the moment he let go of it.

And than it happened.

BAM

Everyone went silent and Haruhichi slowly felt down.

With shocked eyes Sawamura looked at one of his best friend, who he just hit at his head.

Just like what happened at the match against Inuyachi.

 **So that was chapter 2^^**

 **yep I was on a little break of all my fanfics, but now I am trying to pick up most of them. Also sorry for all my grammar/ spelling mistakes, I have dyslexia so I got all the right to make mistakes XD**

 **also reviewes would be awesome and feel free to leave criticism/ideas for the story in your command :)**

 **PS: extra love and cuddles for doremishine itsuko, redpenkiller, stralightkat, , Bunnylove, aoiharumiyu, Misaki Younna and Yuu-san for leaving a awesome review on the first chapter!**

 **PSS: I DON'T OWN ACE NO DAIMOND**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **Misaki Younna: I have done my research and I found out that cancer (at least the form that Sawamura has) I am going to try to explain (I am really bad at explaining stuff in English soI am sorry if you don't understand) When you have leukemia you get a high number of immature white blood cells, with results in a lack of blood platelets, which are important for the blood clotting process. This means that people with leukemia may easily become bruised. Not sure if this explanation is totally right, but it is something like this :)**

 **Also Sawamura does't tell the team because he is scared that they won't let him play baseball anymore and he is just a stupid kid XD**

 **And for the others who have left a revieuw, thank you so much. I raed them with a lot of joy in my sweet little heart XD**

 **Sadly I don't own Ace of Daimond, otherwise I would make myself a character in the anime and let that character get married with Miyuki :)**

There was a short silence. Everyone looked at Haruhichi who fell down on his knees with his head in his hands. Miyuki, who was closest to him (since his position was catcher) put his hands on the pink haired boy's shoulder.

'Haruhichi, are you okay'? He asked worried. Haruchi slowly looked up at his captain and smiled.

'Y-yeah, don't worry, I only fell because of the shock'.

'Are you sure', said the coach suddenly. He had run to the batter as soon as he saw wat happened.

'yeah, i-it only hurts a little. I think you should worry more about Sawamura'.

Sawamura was standing at the mound. He looked down so you could't see his face, but it was clear for everyone that Sawamura did't have his usual stupid smile on. He just stood there, not even walking to Haruhichi to ask if he was okay. He was motionless.

'Haruchi is okay, but we have a fifteen minute break, so Haruhichi can get checked by the school nurse. In the mean time. Sawamura, Miyuki I want to have a talk with you two', The caoch yelled.

While Kawakami helped Haruchi to stand up, Miyuki walked to Sawamura who was still standing motionless on the mound.

"Hey idiot, the coach want to have a talk with us, come on', he said while trying to get the boy the move. The pitcher finally started walking, but still looked down to the ground.

Sawamura bit on his lip while following Miyuki and the coach to the clubroom. He tried to get his breath in controle. Where did this dizziness came from? It was so sudden. If this would happen at the match tomorrow, would he fuck it up again? Sawamura was afraid that the coach would't trust him anymore. But what was even worse than that, was the fact that he had hurt one of his best friend. If Haruhichi was injured, it would be his fault.

His thoughts where interrupted when he suddenly tasted a little iron-like liquid in his mouth. Blood. He quick wiped it away with his sleeve. It would't do him any good if Miyuki and Boss would catch him bleeding. Although it probably could't become much more worse than this. First he fainted, was sick for a couple of days and than hit a good friend on his head. No, this really sucked.

They arrived in the clubroom and the coach first gave the boys his I-am-the-coach-so-listen-to-me-face and than he started talking.

'Sawamura, ar...' The pitcher tried to concentrate on his coach voice, but his dizziness was getting worse.

'Sawamura are you listening'? The pitcher wanted to say yes, but as if the dizziness was't enough, it also suddenly felt like his head could explode every moment. Without even thinking about the other people in the room he closed his eyes and putted his hand on his head.

Because his closed eyes he did't see the worried looks the coach and Miyuki exchanged. They where used to a annoying energetic Bakamura, not one who was standing in front of them right now.

The coach put his hand on Sawamura's shoulder in the hope the boy would react.

"Sawamura, stay calm, are you okay." He then looked at Miyuki. "Go get a glass of water." The catcher immediately walked away and Kataoka focused on his pitcher again. It was clear that Sawamura was in pain.

'Come on, take a seat', he pushed the boy in the first chair he saw, afraid that if he would remain standing straight, he would fall on the ground.

'I-I am sorry coach, f-f-for hitting Haruhichi on his head', Sawamurae stuttered while opening his eyes slowly. The coach looked straight into the eyes of the young boy and saw some kind of dizzy look in the kids's face.

"Don't worry about it now, tell me how you are feeling?"

"I d-don't know, j-just a little bit dizzy I guess. And I have a headache." Miyuki returned with a glass of water and gave it to Sawamura, who took slowly sips of it.

"I guess he still is't better, maybe we let him return to training to soon," Miyuki whispered to the coach so that Sawamura would't hear it.

"I will ask Rei if she wants to take Sawamura to the docter tomorrow. Can you escort him to his room for now, make sure ge goes to sleep?"

"Of course sir."

"Also return immidiatly, because we are going to continue our practice match, with out without Sawamura."

"O-of course sir." Just before the coach walked out of the room Miyuki asked one other thing.

"What about the practice match, it is over two days. Do you think Sawamura will be able to compete in it?"

- **ACE OF DAIMOND** -

Sawamura slowly opened his eyes en looked with shock on his face to his alarm clock. He had overslept! The pitcher jumped out of bed, but had to grab the bed so he would't fall down. Shit, he was still a little dizzy. Well, whatever, he just had to ignore it.

As quick as possible he put on his cloths and ran outside, where he almost immediately bumped up against Rei-san.

"Sorry Rei-san," he said polite and wanted to walk further, but Rei stopped him.

"Sawamura-kun, I came to get you. The coach had asked me yesterday to make a appointment with the dokter and luckily there was a spot free today."

"HUH, THE DOCTER?" Sawamura yelled in his usual loud voice. "But I don't need to see the docter, I ehh feel fine, really!" Without a warning Rei-san putted her hand on his forehead. Sawamura could feel how is was turning red.

"Rei-san, wh-at..."

"You are still feeling hot, which means you are probably still sick. And if you are sick you are definately not fine. So stop lying about your own health and follow me to the dokter."

'B-but...'

'And even if you where okay now, you still almost fainted yesterday and in the end Miyuki had to bring you to your room'. Sawamura became silent after hearing that. He could't even remember it. As good as possible he tried to recall what had happened yesterday. They had a practice match and then...

"IS HARUHICHI OKAY?" He asked worried about his friend.

"Don't worry about Harihichi. He is doing fine. He was even able to play in practice match again after what happened. Unlike someone else." Said Rei-san and after that, "The taxi is ready, go eat you breakfast first but be quick okay?"

- **ACE OF DAIMOND** -

Sawamura nervously into the cafeteria. Knowing that Haruhichi was doing fine made him a little less nervous, but that did't mean that Haruhichi had forgive him. What if they did't trust his pitches anymore? This was't the first time he had hit a batter on the head. When he stepped inside, some of his teammates immediately looked up. Most of them where almost done with breakfast.

"Eijun-kun," Haruhichi yelled to get his friend attention.

"HARUHICHI, I'M SO SORRY. ARE YOU OKAY," Sawamura yelled. A few of his senpai's looked annoyed up at the noisy first year.

"It is okay, don't worry about me. Are you okay?" When Haruhichi returned field yesterday, Sawamura was't there. Later that day he found out that Miyuki had brought him to bed because he was sick again.

"NYAHAHA, I AM FINE! I'LL SHOW YOU. TODAY I WILL PITCH SO GOOD THAT BIG-BOSS WILL GIVE ME THAT NUMBER ONE Immediately!" Miyuki sighed annoyed.

"Shut up idiot and go eat your breakfast. Is't Rei-san waiting for you to get you to the dokter." Sawamura's look on his face changed after Miyuki said that. It was clear to everyone that the boy certainly was't feeling happy about the dokters visit.

"I am not going to the dokter," Murmured Sawamura while he sat down next to Haruhichi.

"Hyahaha, What did you just say, you are not going to the dokter. Why do you hate the dokter so much? Are you maybe afraid of the dokter, afraid that you might need a injection?" teased Kuramochi.

"Just like a little kid, afraid of the dokter. To tell the truth it does't surprise me," continued Miyuki with a mean smile on his face.

"NYAAH, I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DOKTER." Sawamura yelled to his two senpai's.

"Than why don't you want to go?"

"BECAUSE I'M FINE!"

"Wait, what happened yesterday, Miyuki, please tell us," Kuramochi said,

"Hmm, O yeah. I had to put a certain crying pitcher to bed. Why was that again. I think it was because he was dizzy and had a huge headadge. That does't really sound like fine."

"YOU TWO ARE JUST MEAN."

"No, we are just telling the truth. Now shut up and eat your breakfast or I will never catch your stupid pitches ever again!"

"NYAHH BAKA FOUR EYES."

 **-ACE OF DAIMOND** -

Sawamura walked together with Rei-san out of the taxi.

"Don't look so sulky, a dokters visit can't be that bad. It is for your own good, you know?"

"Not bad? I am not even close to being as good as I want to be. I can better spend my time on training than on this," he said while he gnashed his teeth.

"Do I need to remind you that you had a low fever this morning. If you would be at school, coach probably had told you to stay in bed. So there would be no training for you than either," Rei-san said while walking into the dokters building.

Behind the desk stood a young woman with blond hair in a tight smiled at them when they walked into the room.

'Can I help you with something'? She asked polite.

"Yes please, we have a appointment with dokter Sugawara for Sawamura Eujin", Rei-san said to her and she started ticking something in her computer.

'You can immediately walk to Sugawara's room. It is the second door to your right'.

"Thank you", Rei dragged the pitcher with her to the hallway where she knocked on Isamu's door.

The man who opened the door, dokter Sugawara, was an older looking man with a friendly look in his eyes and a smile on his face.

"Good morning, I am docter Sugawara and you two must be Rei-san and Sawamura-kun. Please come in and sit down". After they both had given the man a polite handshake they sat down at the two chairs on the other side of the desk.

"So, I have heard a few things of what had happened these past week. Something about a fever and fainting. But I would like to hear it again a little more in detail", the dokter started.

"Sawamura suffers since the beginning of this week from tiredness.A few days back he fainted at breakfast. After that he had been in bed with a fever for three days. Yesterday another boy of his school had to bring him to bed because he was close to fainting again. And I think he has also lost a lot of weight the past few days", Rei-san said before Sawamura could answer the dokters question.

Sawamura was surprised by Rei-san's answer. Most of it was't new for him. But had he really lost so much weight that people would actually notice it?

"Okay, how about we start with you weight. After all, that could be a reason for you tiredness. How much do you weight normal"?

"65 Kilogram". Rei-san again answered the question before Sawamura could. The dokter nodded.

"That is a normal weight of a boy your age. Especially for a sporter. Now if you would follow me to that small room behind me so we can measure your real weight".

"How did you get so many bruises," the dokter asked after Sawamura had putted out his T-shirt and pants.

"W-well, Yeah. I guess I am not really a careful person. You could also blame baka-Kuramochi, he always kicks me," Sawamura yelled annoyed. The dokter noted something on a paper and than told Sawamura to stand on the weight.

"50,6 kilogram. You have lost 4.4 kilogram, it is logical that your body feels tired. Although there could be other reasons for go back tot the other room". When they all sat down again the dokter started to ask more questions.

"Can you tell me about how you felt when you fainted the other day?"

"First I felt really dizzy and before I knew it I was laying on the ground. Than I also got a headache and I kinda felt a little asthmatic." The dokter nodded and than thought for a few seconds.

"Right now, I can't say for sure what the reason for all this is so I would like to do a blood-test if that is okay with you. Than I will sent it to the lab and we will know more over a week. Until than I would like it if you won't sport or move around to much. I know you are a sporter, but you need to be careful until we know what the cause of this is, you understand?"

"NO, I can't do that. I-we have an important game tomorrow and I am going to pitch in it!" The dokter looked surprised by this answer, not sure what to say.

"I am sorry dokter, Sawamura-kun can be really stubborn. Don't worry about it. I'll make sure he won't sport or play in the match."

"I understand Sawamura, I played volleyball back in the days. I always went to practice even if I had a fever! How about we will take some blood samples first and than I will call your coach later to talk about that matter" After five minutes Rei and Sawamura walked out of the office.

"Well in the end it was't that bad, right?"

"NOT BAD, I've been away for like a hour and a half, I could have spent that time with training. Lets just get back quick so I can get Miyuki-senpai to catch for me," Said a grumpy looking Sawamura.

" _How the hell am I ever gonna get this kid to rest,"_ Though Rei-san while she made a deep sigh.

 **BAAAAAM, AND THAT WAS THE CHAPTER. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT :D**

 **THIS CHAPTER WAS REALLY LONG (IF YOU COMPARE IT TO MY NORMALLY CHAPTERS) BUT THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVE NOT POSTED FOR A LONG TIME.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW/GIVE CRITICISM/GIVE LOVE/ GIVE OTHER STUFF. AND FOLLOW AND FAVORITE. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME TOO :)**

 ***GIVES EVERYONE A BIG HUG***


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